15 years ago

“happy birthday Jervis!!!!”

A small group of people gather around a rather sad looking cake that doesn’t look like and particular flavor you would want to eat.

“thanks guys… this is great!”

There are only three people around. A younger brighter looking Jervis, a young man with short black hair and a girl around the same age with long black hair..

“so how are you now?”

“not that anyone cares. We only threw this for the cake!” and the young man jabs Jervis in the arm.

“shut up Killian. Heh-heh. And for the record I’m 25 today.” he can’t help but laugh.

“DUDE! Take some cake already! My mind is in my belleh!”

“you’ll get your cake!”
“Alice, would you like a slice?”

“I think you should really take the first piece. It is YOUR party after all.”

Jervis looks over at Killian and sees him zoned out into the cake.

“you want this so badly, don’t you?”

“uh-huh…”

“how badly you want it?”

“bad enough.”

“bad enough to what?”

“bad enough to kill you if you don’t hurry up and cut the damn cake!”

“aright, alright. Pushy aren’t we?”

“only for cake.”

He cuts the cake and splits it evenly and hands them out evenly. Killian leans over and points over to Alice. She was fiddling with her long black hair and not even touching her cake. He whispers:

“dude. go feed her some cake.”

“n-n-n-n-n-no! I-I-I-I-I…. I can’t do that! I mean… I don’t know.”

“you can tell she wants some attention man, go after her.”

“I don’t think she likes me.”

“and I think your emo. Get goin’!” and Killian kicks the chair he was sitting in till it slides over to where Alice is sitting.

“uh-uh-uh-… hi…”

“hi…”

A tenement in lower Gotham.

“GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE CRAP STAIN!”

Crash! The Mad Hatter chases the little girl around the kitchen smashing dishes and furniture in there wake. Alice Pauper loves it.

“I’m not afraid of you, ya know!”

“then why you runnin’”

“cuase it’s funny.”

“mother fudger little snapping…”

“huh?”

Boom. Destroyed the sink.

“I’m ganna shove so much stuff up your ass your ganna make Batman look like a boy scout!”

“butt-nugget!”

“what?”

“buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutt… nuuuuuuuuuuggeeeeeeeeeeeeeeett…”

“what the fucks a butt nugget!?”

“you…”

“that’s it! I draw the line at but nugget!” CRASH. “My fridge!!!!! God damn it! CARD PLAYERS! Are you assholes ganna help or are you ganna watch until the problem solves itself! Get the fuckin girl!”

“heh-heh… sir, we figured with your liken of little girls an’ all you’d wanna handle it yourself.”

“…”

“what?”

“I hate you…”

“we know you love us sir. We love ya too.”

“awwww you love me? Well that’s just swell guys…..

They move in on her and surround her. All she does is crawl between their legs. Not slow either. She did it faster then you could realize.

“little girl can run!”

“I got the best times in P.E.!”

“GET--- wait… who’s watching the other kids?”

“uh… 3?”

“dude…. Look who’s next to you…”

The card player looks to the left of him and sees another card player with a 3 of spades on his shoulder.

“oh…”

“well… you think it be a go down there and watch them?”

“maybe…”

“maybe…”

“yeah…”

“just maybe?”

“pretty much.”

“not ‘definitely’ or ‘right away Mr. Hatter’ just ‘maybe’?”

“uh-huh…”

“hmmmm…. I see… that’s interesting…” he walks over to the card-player and puts his hand on his shoulder. “you know… I really hate idiots…” he pinches down and the player starts bleeding out his shirt.

“AHHH!”

“would you say this hurts?”

“I can’t feel my arm!!!!!!!”

“’maybe’ it hurts? Just ‘maybe’?”

“YESYESYES! IT HURTS! I’M SORRY! Please let go!”

“so it does hurt? You wouldn’t say: ‘definitely’ hurts?”

“my arm won’t move! You paralyzed it!”

“oh! Then I guess you won’t need it anymore.” he shakes his foot and a knife falls out of his pants sleeve. He catches it with his toes and throws it up to his free hand. “I’ll just take it off for you…”

He stabs him in the arm.

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“that DEFINITLY hurt. I could tell.”

He stabs again. Projectile bleeding this time. The card player starts crying.

“why are you doing this?”

“because I’m mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . stab again!”

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

He stabs and stabs and stabs until the flesh is torn apart and there’s nothing left but shreds and bone.

“Please! Please! Stop!”

“oh but I MUST finish the job!”

Hatter kicks his ankle and he falls to the ground. He puts his foot on the card-players shoulder and twists the arm. Carck!

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

“damn, it didn’t come out.”

He twists again.

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“one more!!!!!!!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“heh-heh-heh, can I give you a hand? Heh-heh I love me!”

Mad Hatter looks over at Alice Pauper who was staring in horror at this event. He turns back to the awe struck card-players.

“aw! Come one! I made that great set up! Absolutely perfect! Perfect distraction and you idiots don’t even take advantage of it! What is wrong with you guys!?” he leans over and looks at the now passed out, newly-left-handed card-player and says “guess you lost your arm in vain buddy…”

He turns his attention back to the girl. He chucks the bleeding arm at her.

“eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!” and she takes off in a bolt. Who can blame her?

“and now for the cliché super villain dialogue: Get her!”

They storm the whole house.

“sir, she’s gone. The kids in the basement are accounted for though.”

“ugh… oh well. I say we go get some tea!”

“he looks down at his chest and pants and sees he’s covered in blood, and some new threads…”

A tenement in lower Gotham.

The black room with only a pair of glowing eyes clicks as the eyes stumble back and forth.

“will someone please find the friggan switch box!”

“already found it sir!”

“thank god… someone knows what they’re doing in this hell hole…”

The lights switch on and the Hatter regains his composure.

“I’m going back into the basement! You know the drill!”

“yes sir!”

He walks down the stairs.

“I bet you can’t wait for me to get down there Knave! If you liked what I did with the broom just wait till you see what I can do with a DUSTPAN!!!!”

He gets into the room and the chains are dangling with no one on them.

“heh-heh-heh… clever girl… Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice! Where aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…………”

BAM! He falls to the ground and she’s standing behind him with a bloody wrench.

“take that bastard!” she’s still naked, bleeding from down below. She rears back and slams again. More blood splatters as bones crack.

“I hope this gives you an orgasm you fuckin cunt!” and she slams one more time. She reaches down, picks him up and throws him into the closet. He hit’s the broom on the way in.

“hmmmmm…. Maybe later… irony’s ganna be your best friend Hatter…”

She runs up the stairs and turns the corner. She sneaks into the living room

She sneaks into the living room. There really wasn’t much to it. no doors, a gross looking green couch with brown stains on it. Tons of mirrors like the other room and those same yellow brown walls.

There’s a card-player watching a disgusting dominatrix porn video and laughing his ass off the whole time.

“HAHAHAHAHAHA! Take it bitch! HA! Cigarettes in da cunt! HA!”

Alice looks around and makes her way behind the couch, raises the wrench to the air and slams it down. Knocked out. She drags the body back into the kitchen and gets a glass of water on her way to the stair well.

She gets into the basement again and takes off the clothes of the card-player and puts them on. A black vest that revealed most of her chest ( but not the important parts of coarse) and blue jeans.

“ugh, trashy clothes… perfect! Ha! Little loose though…”

She splashes the water from the glass in the face of the now naked and tied up card-player.

“get up, bitch! I have questions for you!” he wakes up all the way finally and spits at her.

“I’m not telling’ you shit!”

She admires the spit on her shoe. She rears back the wrench again and swings forward.

“wait, what are you doing!?”

The wrench smashes down and absolutely destroys his entire genital region. His penis, balls and entire pelvis squashed and imbedded into the cement floor.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! BITCH! Your worse then hatter!!!!!!

She looks down at her jeans and the crotch is stained red from herself still bleeding.
“oh, I’m sorry… Were you ganna use those! Well so was I!!!!! but I can’t anymore cuase of that ASSHOLE!” pointing to hatter, “ So your ganna pay!”

“ARGH! MY FUCKING NUTS! IM GANNA KILL YOU! YOU LITTLE---”

She rears back the wrench again.

“no! no! stop! Ill do anything you say! For the love of god don’t hit me again!”

“well then, I’m glad to see I got a smart one. I was half hoping I’d have to kill you.”

“god damn, when we kidnapped you… you were such a sweet girl! You even got in the van voluntarily.”

“and that was my mistake! I’ve seen everything on the news! I know how fucked up you guys are! Tell me: who is he and what is he trying to accomplish. Why the cult? Why the mirrors? Why the bombings? Why the Mad Hatter shtick?” tell me everything or ill pound you into crotch-blood!”